Relationships—Personal Styles and Love Languages

On April 3, 2008, Mark Tauber filled in as speaker for Cory Upmeyer, who was unable to deliver his classification speech. Mark spoke regarding relationship building, which is relevant to both the workplace and home. The goal in relationship building is to better understand the perspective of your co-worker, family member, or friend.

One of the tools in relationship building is to understand the four basic personal styles. The first personality style is the dominant or driver type. This person is typically aggressive, results oriented, and is not concerned with too many details about his goal. He is impatient and does not ask or answer questions too well regarding his goal. This person is risk tolerant and can take on a lot of projects. This person often has high ego strength and is a “legend in his own mind.” However, if the aggressiveness is driven by anger or manipulation, this person must recognize that he must slow down, or “dial down.” The primary fear of a driver type, is fear of being taken advantage of.

The second personality type is the expressive or high-influencers. This person wears his emotions on his sleeve, and must seek to re-establish a relationship with anyone he offends. This type of person is also the one who likes to talk about his weekend, and family and personal matters on Monday morning before getting down to work. This person also hates life in an office cubicle, and needs human contact frequently. This person is an optimist who embraces change, but fears the loss of social approval.

The third personality type is the amicable or steadiness style. This person is loyal, possessive and enjoys routine. The greatest fear of this person is change. This person will accept change, but only if it is presented slowly and they are involved in the process.

The fourth personality type is the “Hi-C” or contentious/compliance type. This Relationships person is very accurate, persistent, generally polite, but is a stickler for details. There are many professions, like accountant or surgeon, where this person fits well, but in other settings, he may be known as “Attila the Nitpicker.” This person’s greatest fear is criticism. So, if your are preparing to critique a Hi-C type, you had better present and support your comments well.

Mark also presented a summary of the “five love languages”, taken from the book by the same name written by Gary Chapman. The five love languages are gifts, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation and quality time. The goal is to identify the love language (or two) of the significant other in your life, and feed it. Also, you should seek to understand your love language so that others can properly feed you. And, as Mark reminded us, the opposite of love is not hate, but rather indifference. So, pay attention and keep after it; you’ll get it right.